My darling friend Jacklyn Maddux gave me a book, A MONSTER CALLS by Patrick Ness, which I, moments ago, finished, and I’m a bit dazed. It’s about a boy whose mother is dying of cancer. THANKS JACKLYN! No, really, it does merit thanks. We’re all dying, right? Someone said, probably quite a few people, that no one gets out of here alive. (insert Sharonlee Mclean and her Yiddish dialect here) True? True.
Read it, A MONSTER CALLS, I mean. I’m not sure what to say about it. Does that mean that I have to wait to publish this blog entry? Nah…I’m challenging myself not to censor myself. Hmmm…does that mean I have to wait and complete grammatical and punctuationally correcting? Obviously not, if I”m going to publish a made up word like punctuationally. My girls will get me for this, I’m always asking them to edit, edit, edit. I like my new language.
Now, all that said, my mom irritated the crap out of me the other day because I have been BEGGING her to look at this blog online. She has refused. I send her a hard copy of it, I read it to her, but she will not go online and read it. This woman is stubborn, some might say intractable, but come on, this is not news to me.
As I was reading the book I was thinking about my father’s bout with cancer and the day that he spoke painfully bluntly to me: “Stop moving!”
It stung. I think I was sure that if I kept moving around, and making him all the cancer cookbook recipes, and cleaning, and putting on music, that he’d live. I was wrong, but I still wasn’t able to slow down too terribly much.
I’m not slow paced person, by nature, and I’m finding that there is much to be celebrated in the slow. I think that mom and the blog may be another foxtrot I’m doing. Maybe it’s a slow waltz that I can enjoy and not fight against. I could let mom set the tempo, which come to think of, she’ll just do anyway.
It’s funny the ways in which I think I can avert losing people. Loading it on, fast and furious is my default, but I think momma may know something, deep in her bones, about how this could work a little differently.
GEEZ, now THIS will be the one she’ll read online. Where I’m admitting that she could possibly be on to something. Nah, she won’t read it, and I’ll never tell!